The Balancing Act

           It is no surprise that many new single mothers struggle with finding time to just breathe. Having a child is a HUGE change and whether you notice it or not, a child will alter your entire life. Not to say this is a bad thing, sometimes we need to change, and a child no matter what the circumstances are, is a gift. While pregnant its hard to imagine what life with a child is going to be like. Our minds tend not to look too far ahead, and instead stay in the present. I remember being in high school and not even being able to visualize myself in college. I could not even fathom the idea of having a baby while still in school. Of course, life doesn’t always go as planned but the good thing is our plans are not set in stone, we can always adjust.

            There used to be so many reasons why a single mother should not continue her education, but nowadays so many women are having children at young ages, they are becoming a large part of the college population. Without a father for the child in the picture, it can be overwhelming to think about ‘doing it on your own.’ I think of it as a blessing. Not that I recommend being a single mother, of course the ideal situation would be to have a husband first. But when something in your life goes awry, it’s a lot easier to get through if you think of the positives. You will find this attitude will help you get through work/school/and coming home to your children everyday.

If you are a single mother and not receiving child support of any kind (like myself) the idea of working full-time while going to school AND having a small child seems impossible. But save yourself the stress, nothing is impossible. When you are looking for a job, try to find one that is within your chosen career path. This will keep you from getting bored and may even have an advantage on your studies by giving you a general knowledge of the career you are pursuing. Depending on your financial needs, you may need to work full-time. This is doable. I find it easier to make my school schedule each semester and then let my boss know if my availability has changed. Talk to your boss about what it is you are trying to accomplish. Many employers will work with you, but you need to remember they too have a job to perform. When scheduling your classes, try to get them bulked into just a day or two each week. Since most full-time positions will require you to work no less than 40 hours a week, you need to make sure you are not going to be requesting too much time off, in order to keep your full-time status. For example, I have reserved Mondays and Thursdays for school. In this time, I can study and get my homework done so the rest of the week can be a little less stressful.

Now that your school and work schedules are synced, lets add to the equation, a child. If you are working full-time (even without going to school) I guarantee you will need some sort of childcare for your little one. To find one that is right for you and your child you’ll need to do some research, and ask other mothers where they send their children while they work. Don’t be afraid to ask for qualifications from the workers, you need to be comfortable with the people you are leaving your child with. Also, it’s a good idea to find out the schedule for holidays and closings from the daycare provider so you can let your employer know ahead of time. Keep in mind though, daycare can be expensive. If you find yourself struggling to just pay for the daycare each week, you may need to look into Child Care Assistance.

Next, you need to make sure you have time for your child. This is the absolute most important aspect of the balancing act. This is why it is so important to get your school work done on the days you have reserved. That way, you’re not trying to study and do homework every time your child is home. If you do need some extra study time, be sure to include your child. Take frequent breaks in between studying to play and reassure him/her that he/she is not being ignored. And of course, when your child takes a nap, that’s when you get your ‘time to breathe.’ Keeping your child on a schedule will keep both of you on an even keel. Over-tired children get cranky and are almost impossible to handle. Making sure your little one gets his/her naps will give you a chance to reset the day.

This seems like a lot of information, but the best advice I can give to any single mother is to just relax. There are going to be times when you’re on the edge and you feel like you’re going to snap. These are the times when you need to stop what you’re doing, and remember what your purpose is. That child depends on you alone. Continuing your education is the best choice for both of you; do not think of this as a selfish act. A better education means a better career, and making sure that child will want for nothing.