Being young and pregnant

“I can’t be a mom, I’m still living with mine! “
      When I turned 18 and shortly after graduated from High School, having a baby was far from on my mind. I thought I was just going to enjoy my new found freedom going to college and mooching off of my family for a while longer so that I wouldn’t have to grow up too fast. I figured I was going to take my time and wait till I graduated college before starting a new life of my own. Shortly after my first semester of college however, I had a shocking surprise that made me realize that things weren’t going to go as planned. I was going to have to grow up a lot faster then I had ever imagined when I realized that I was going to have a baby.
      When I first found out my initial reaction was to cry. I didn’t know what I was going to do. So many questions and concerns ran through my mind. Luckily I had my very supportive boyfriend to calm me down a bit and help me realize that we could do this together. Though still scared out of my mind I knew that no matter what I wanted to keep the baby and that sooner then later I had to tell my mother. She had my brother when she was only 16 and I came only a year after so I figured even though she would be crushed to hear the news, she would be supportive. But that didn’t help the fact that I was still terrified to tell her.
      Eventually the news came out in the middle of McDonald’s parking lot and then it all really began. Soon the whole family knew and the hardest part of it all was the fact that they didn’t know how to react. Pregnancy is one of those things where you want to hear the words “Congratulations!” But being so young no one really knew what to say. They asked questions like “Are you planning on keeping it?”, “Are you still with the father?”, and “How do you feel about it?” Once they got all the information they needed I got the congratulations but usually it only came following the words “Well then I guess”. Every so often I would get a meaningful congrats, but people were still scared for me.
      Luckily after a 9 week ultrasound picture and a couple of weeks for it to all really sink in, everyone started to calm down and actually become excited for a new baby in the family! My mother started thinking about what grandma name she wanted to be called cause in her opinion she was to young for Grandma. My boyfriends mom started buying diapers so that we would already have a collection before the baby even came. And everyone else would tell me about all the adorable baby clothes they saw when they went grocery shopping.
      Now over halfway through the pregnancy most of our family and friends are excited for the new baby. We now know the sex is a boy and everyone is already buying us adorable little outfits. Though they are all still very scared for me they give me a lot of support. My mother is planning on babysitting whenever I need it for college cause her biggest concern is for me to still get a good education, something that didn’t work out for her when she was out of high school with a baby. But no one forgets to remind me that its going to be hard having a baby. Though at times its still very hard just being pregnant at such a young age, I’m excited for my new son and I know I wouldn’t be able to get through it without the support of everyone. -By Nicole Shaffer

Interview with Julie Grejtak: A Child Development Expert

          For this particular blog, I spoke with a child development expert, with hopes she would be able to answer some questions many parents struggle to answer themselves. Julie Grejtak graduated from IUP, with a plethora of information to share.

Question #1: What are some ways to “discipline” a toddler in a positive way?

Like the rest of us, young children learn by doing, so when your child throws his bowl of peas off the highchair tray, for example, it's because he's curious to see what will happen, not because he wants to upset you or mess up your clean kitchen floor.

Action: Your toddler's made a mess under her highchair. When they are finished eating, lift them up, set them on the floor, and ask them to hand you some peas so they’re "helping" you take care of it. Talk to the child about what you're doing: "Okay, we made a mess with the peas so we have to clean it up."  With that said, you don't have to stand by while your child does something you don't like. And you definitely don't want to stand by if your little one's grabbing for something dangerous. Take the object away or physically move your baby away from it. Then give them a safe, less-messy or less-destructive alternative. Substituting something else will prevent a meltdown. Make sure you explain what you're doing to your child, even if they’re too young to really understand. You're teaching a fundamental discipline lesson that some behaviors aren't acceptable, and that you'll be redirecting them when necessary.

Emphasize the positive! Tell your child when you like how he's behaving, rather than speaking up only when he's doing something wrong. It takes a bit of practice to get in the habit of rewarding good behavior rather than punishing bad, but it's more effective in the end.

Real-life application: It's nap time, a potential battle zone with your sometimes resistant toddler. Head it off by praising even small steps: "It's so great that you stopped playing with your blocks when I asked you to. That means we have extra time and can read a story. If you lie down right away, we'll have even more time and can read two stories." Keep praising each improvement they makes even in their nap time routine, and make it worth their while with rewards such as stories or songs!

Question #2: When is the appropriate time to start weaning your child?

1.      Your baby may begin eating solid foods at 4 to 6 months of age.

2.      At this point, you may want to offer cup-feeding to supplement breast or bottle feedings. Over the next 6 months, your baby may show signs that he or she is ready to wean.

3.      Your bottle-fed baby should continue to get nutrition largely from formula until he or she is 12 months old. After that, allowing your child to continue drinking from a bottle may lead to problems such as baby bottle tooth decay.

It is important to switch gradually to the cup! Although some mothers stop breast- or bottle-feedings abruptly, the baby may not be ready. Babies find comfort from sucking and also may need the closeness and comfort breast- or bottle-feeding provides. Always think about your baby's emotional needs, age, and readiness as well as about your own needs, when switching from breast- or bottle-feeding to a cup. Toddlers (ages 1 to 2) may tolerate abrupt weaning better than babies.

Question#3: Of course every parent wants to know their children are safe while they are at work. What are some things new parents should look for when trying to find reliable childcare?

Choosing child care is an important decision. Good child care arrangements can improve the daily lives of children and parents. In addition, children in high quality care can have higher levels of success when they enter school. Yet, it can be difficult and confusing to know what to look for in a program. Many parents feel that having their child feel safe and secure and getting lots of individual attention is the mark of quality child care. A safe, loving, stimulating environment is important! Your child also needs a place to be challenged to learn, reach his potential and eventually prepare for elementary school.

Whether you are considering a commercial day care center or one in someone's home, you should check it out carefully. Ask questions of the staff, and talk to parents of other children at the day care center. Look over the center carefully! These are questions that you would want to ask during an interview.

• What are the training requirements for staff members?
• Are all staff members certified in basic first aid?
• Are all staff members trained in child development?
• Are all staff members trained in preventing illness and injury?

• Does the center have rules about careful and frequent hand-washing? This is key to reduce the spread of illness among the children. All staff members must wash their hands each time they diaper a child and before fixing meals or snacks.
• Are poison control phone numbers and ambulance phone numbers clearly posted?
• Does the playground have impact-absorbing surfaces, such as wood chips, under the swings and slides?
• Are the children protected from strangers?
• Are fire drills held at least every month?
• Are there smoke alarms throughout the building?
• Are safety gates used in areas for small children?
• Are electric outlets covered?
• Are sharp corners of furniture covered?
• Are the toys kept clean? Washable toys should be washed every day with a disinfectant cleaner, such as Lysol or a solution of water and bleach.
• Does the day care staff regularly clean all surfaces with disinfectant?

A special thanks to Ms. Grejtak for giving our readers an insight on how to deal with situations we parents have to deal with on a day to day basis. I found all of this information very useful and have even applied some if not all of it to raising my son.  

Teaching Teens Responsibility~Choice Theory

When the superior man knows the causes which make instruction successful, and those which make it of no effect, he can be a teacher of others. Thus in his teaching, he leads and does not drag; he strenghtens and does not discourage; he opens the way but does not conduct to the end without the learners own efforts.

• Leading and not dragging produces harmony.



• Leading and not discouraging makes attainment easy.



• Opening the way and not conducting to the end makes the learner thoughtful.

He who produces harmony, easy attainment, and thoughtfulness may be pronounced a skillful teacher.

--- Confucius

BOOK XVI HSIO KI (Record on subject of education)

We are not only parents, we are our childrens teacher. They learn from our actions and what we teach them. They are learning when we don't even realize they are watching. Young children are very observant and they notice every little thing about the people around them. Their brains are like sponges, so they remember and act out what they see. In order to be critical about how our children act, we must be aware of how and where they leaened that particular behavior. If we come across as impatient or frusterated, then thats what we get from them.

Communication is the key to raising a responsible child. Learning how to communicate effectively, just means, learn to listen. Bend down or sit at their level and listen to what they have to say. The reward will last through their teen and adult lives. It is hard to imagine them as adults, but it will come sooner than we want it to.

We all want our children to become responsible teens and adults. For this to become reality, we should start teaching them at a very young age. Start giving them responsibilities when they are old enough to walk. We should teach them to clean up after themselves, starting with their toy's. Children should know that when they are finished they should put them in the toy box. At about the age of 3-4 y/o we should let them help tidy up their room and when they start school, set aside an hour in the evening for homework or just to study what they are learning in school. Always praise them for an accomplishment. This doesn't need to be loud and long, just a "nice job!" or "good work!" means means a lot.

Dr. William Glasser is a well known Psygologist. He has written five books on applying the concepts Choice Theory - a new and empowering explaination of human behavior, which states that we should not use the seven deadly habits, but the seven caring habits.

~Seven Deadly Habits;

• Criticizing


• Blaming


• Complaining


• Nagging


• Threatening


• Punishing (Right!)


• Bribing (Rewarding to control.)

~Seven Caring Habits

• Supporting


• Encouraging


• Listening


• Accepting


• Trusting


• Respecting


• Negotiating Differences

The punishing, I don't agree should be in there, but most of his information is an interesting method. This method explains that children are taught that coercion has no place in a civilized world. They cannot be coerced to learn, nor can they be forced to behave in a responsible manner. The theory suggests that the choice to behave responsibly is just that, "a choice".

Dr. Glasser also encourages school teachers to be involved in this process. He explains the teachers role in teaching a child and teen responsibility. After all they are with our children eight hours a day, five days a week, nine months out of the year. They are with our child just about as much as we are, waking hour that is. I never really thought of it that way. Maybe I should have, some parents probably do, if you don't, maybe you should. It is very important to communicate with your child's teacher. We should know at all times what our child is doing and how he or she is doing in school. This makes our child understand how important an education is, because if mommy is interested in it, it must be important.

There are several different parenting stratigies to teaching responsibilities and we try a lot of them, because the same one doesn't work for everyone, or every child, if it did, parenting would be so much easier. I got this information from Family.com, Dr. William Glasser Institute.com and Babycenter.com. I know what your thinking, my boy's are hardly babies. Well, this website is for all ages. Besides, my boys will always be my babies.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

When my daughter was born the nurse had me watch a video about SIDS and sign a paper verifying. I really didn’t watch the video because my fiancés mom had told me a lot about SIDS and the prevention of it. However, the more I hear about it on the news the more I felt like doing my own research on it.

What is SIDS?

SIDS stands for sudden infant death syndrome. It is the leading cause of death in the United States for children one month to one year. The diagnosis of SIDS is decided after the person doing the autopsy has ruled all other possibilities out. Most cases of SIDS happen in a child between the age of two months and four months.

What Causes SIDS?

The truth is no one really knows what causes sudden infant death syndrome. Though there are many theories. One theory I read about is the idea of toxic gases in our children’s mattresses. It is very scary to think of that as a possibility and that theory has not been disproven or decided on. The idea stems from the chemicals in the fire retardant application to the mattress combining with a fungus that can grow in the mattress creating a toxic chemical. The toxic chemical is thought to lie along the surface of the mattress where the baby breathes it in. According, to this theory the idea the baby was poisoned would not show up in the autopsy.

Another theory is the idea of the child’s neck muscles being weak. If you lay your baby on his or her stomach and they put their face flat down in the bed there muscles are still very weak. It could be a possibility that the baby was unable to lift or turns its head. Some people believe immunizations cause SIDS. Others believe smoking or drinking when falling asleep holding the child. The theories go on and on, the truth is at this time there is no definitive answer to why babies are dying from SIDS. There is plenty of research going on and hopefully in the future society will come up with an answer.

For now there are many things you can do to. Please refer to the list below

· Be sure to visit the doctors while pregnant for regular check ups. Low birth weight and prematurity are two more risk factors for SIDS.

· Never let your child sleep on their stomach. If you are worried about them developing a flat head, you can and should do supervised tummy time during the day. Tummy time promotes the developing of babies neck and shoulder muscles. But remember it should always be supervised.

· Use a firm mattress for your child’s bed

· Don’t use blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, bumpers, etc... in your babies bed. If you think your child is cold you can turn up the thermostat a little, or dress them a little warmer. One of the ways I would dress my daughter warmer for winter time is put a long sleeve onesie under her sleeper. There’s also lullabags sold by cloud B and many similar products out there.

· Don’t put so much clothing on your child that they overheat. One way of doing this is by controlling the temperature in the room and watching for signs of your baby being extra warm example sweating.

· Keep your child’s crib in your bedroom until they reach at least 6 months of age.

· Do not smoke, drink, or use drugs when pregnant. According to information I came across children of mothers who smoked when pregnant were three times as likely to die from SIDS.

· Breastfeeding is ideal. Some research found breastfeeding was likely to reduce the risk of SIDS.

· Put your child to sleep with a pacifier. Some studies found pacifiers lowered the chance of SIDS.

These seem to be the most common recommendations for decreasing your child’s chance of SIDS. There are many more out there. Be sure to discuss anything you have decided on with anyone who may be babysitting your child. This way they are aware if you don’t want blankets in the crib or smoking around your child. I find SIDS to be a very scary idea. Mostly the idea that they really don’t know what causes it. For more information you can always call your pediatrician.

References

Floyd R. Livingston Jr., MD. Kids Health / Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. 1995-2011. 13 March 2011 .

Institute, American SIDS. American SIDS Institute. 1983-2009. 13 March 2011 .

Sheppard, Jane. Has the Cause of Crib Death Been Found? n.d. 13 March 2011 .

Vanishing Twin Syndrome

     Finding out you’re pregnant can be one of the longest, craziest emotional rollercoaster’s you can find yourself on. Finding out you’re having twins can make that rollercoaster even scarier or maybe even more exciting. But finding out you had a miscarriage can be absolutely horrible especially when you hear that it just “disappeared“. They call this Vanishing Twin Syndrome.
     My doctor decided she wanted me to go for an ultrasound around nine weeks (one week after my first appointment) to make sure we had the due date right or close to right. We found out that the due date was pretty much spot on and we also found out that I almost had twins but one seemed to just vanish. When I heard the news I didn’t really have much of a reaction, I wasn’t sure what to think. My doctor told me that there was really no way of knowing what happened to the vanishing twin and said I had nothing to worry about. But the thought of almost having twins and losing one seemed to stick in my mind for a long time.
     I wasn’t necessarily devastated about losing one but I definitely wasn’t happy. It was a weird feeling. I was relieved in a way because its scary enough to be eighteen, fresh out of high school and having a baby let alone having twins! But the thought of actually losing what could have been my little girl or boy was hard to think about. At the time, I just knew that I was happy that I didn’t lose both.
     According to the American Pregnancy Association, Vanishing Twin Syndrome was first recognized in 1945. Because the lack of ultrasounds especially early in the pregnancy there wasn’t many recorded vanishing twins. But because women are getting ultrasounds more early in pregnancy it is becoming more common. A conservative estimate states that it occurs in 21-30% of multifetal pregnancies. The cause however is still hard to pin point. Some causes are abnormalities early in the pregnancy, chromosomal abnormalities, and improper cord implantation. But there is never a way of knowing for sure what happened.
(http://www.americanpregnancy.org/)    
 Having a vanishing twin doesn’t affect the mother or the other fetus if it occurs within the first trimester. Usually the sack is reabsorbed into the body. And most commonly the mother doesn’t experience any miscarriage symptoms because the healthy embryo keeps producing hormones which keeps the placental lining in place. If the loss occurs in the second or third trimester however, the risk is largely increased. It is more likely that you will lose the other one if you have a vanishing twin after 20 weeks.
(http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/health_wellness/complications/article/vanishing-twin-syndrome)
     So when I look at it as a whole, I came out pretty lucky. I may have lost a twin but I still have my other. It happened early enough into the pregnancy that I had no idea it was there till it was gone. And if it wasn’t for my doctor wanting an ultrasound early on, I would have never known. She told me that many people walk around not knowing that they had a vanishing twin, or that they could have been part of a vanishing twin. Its still sad to think that in a way I had a miscarriage, but I was lucky enough to not get emotionally attached to my vanishing twin.
-By Nicole Shaffer

Dealing with angry, raged teens

There is so much to take in when your little boy/girl hits puberty. I'm not real familiar with girls, but I have nieces and have seen the changes in them. I have to say, I always wanted a girl, but once my nieces become teenagers I was glad I had three boys. When they start to develop into young adults their demeanor changes. It's like they are stuck somewhere between a child and an adult. Teenagers have a lot of stress. Peer pressure alone is stressful. Add to that, grades, sports and in most cases a part-time job. Anyone who has a teenager or knows one with a drivers license probably knows that the price of insurance skyrockets when you add a teen to your policy. That is a whole other blog.

All of this can stress out a young person. When we get stressed, we get angry, we argue and sometimes there is rage. The same goes for teenagers. They don't have the life experiences that adults have to deal with that anger. I'm pretty open minded. I don't like to argue. Although I have had many arguments. Mostly with my teenage sons. I try not to judge people, but you have to judge your teen. It's your job. You have to steer them in the right direction. No matter how hard you try, sometimes they make a wrong turn.

Things have changed so much since I was a teenager in the 80's. I'm not sure why, but I think a big part of it is we are not allowed to strike our children. Not that I would beat my kids if I wouldn't go to jail. Though I have threatened to. It is pounded in their heads 'call the cops. This, to me, is telling a child, do whatever you want. I have smacked my boys on the butt. That works when they are younger, until they get a little older and they laugh at you.

Surveys say that the number one way teenagers resolve an argument is fighting. And teenage boys are twice as likely to hurt someone else worse than they hurt them, than teenage girls. They say kids who bully others have difficulties with their relationships with their parents and other adults. I say if you teach your child early not to bully and raise them by "the golden rule", do onto others as you would want done to you. We wouldn't have half the fighting, arguing and raged teens that we have today.

There are very few people who don't get filled with rage at one time or another. Even as adults we lose our temper. We can help our teenagers with anger and rage in several ways. Therapy is an option, but from personal experiences, talking to your teen and having a trusting relationship is the most effective way. It was for me. If my boys have a problem or need to talk, they know they can tell me anything and they do. Let them know they are not alone, there's always help.

Pregnant Two Years in a Row

By: Alison Pawlikowsky
Blog Post # 2

       I believe one of the hardest things to deal with when you have two babies is trying to not make one feel left out or unwanted. I believe it is hard to spend an equal amount of time with both of them, which is what people tend to forget when they decide to have children only one year apart. It’s not something people realize that there’s only of you and two of them. They don’t realize what the future will be like, two times the baths, feedings, quality time and everything that goes along with raising a child, times two. I believe being pregnant two years in a row, whether planned or unplanned has its advantages and disadvantages.

Having children one year apart is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever experienced. It’s so hard to manage their activities of daily living such as bathing, feeding, changing, playing, etc. It seems like once you get one settled the other starts up and you never get time to yourself to even breathe. A mother is exhausted just from taking care of them; it’s hard to find time for their selves. Some disadvantages of having two children so close in age would be that you have two times of everything to do. Getting them ready to go out is challenging enough let alone to have to put them both in the car, take them both out, carry them both if one can’t walk yet, it’s impossible to do yourself. Another thing is not to make one feel unimportant, jealousy takes its toll. Children don’t understand why babies need so much attention, so at times your older child will feel unwanted. They will eventually get over it though as they grow older. When having two children you have to make sure you have someone to support and help you with things like that. It’s very difficult to deal with them both screaming or them both being sick. You barely get time to yourself or do even do anything for yourself, especially if you have other things to do such as work or school. These are things people need to remind themselves of before they decide to have children close in age. I love my children with all my heart but I do wish I had more time to do things for myself. I used to never have to do anything for anyone but when you make the commitment of a family, things change big time. I gave up a lot becoming a mom, friends, social life, and importantly time for myself. It’s also hard not to make one feel unwanted or left out, or you feel like you’re giving one more time than the other. It’s very emotional and psychologically draining in a way.

If you can handle having two children close in age your life will be filled with excitement and most of the time total chaos. Knowing you have two times the fun times, smiles and unforgettable moments is one of the best feelings in the world that can’t be traded for anything. There are a lot of advantages of having two babies, not just disadvantages. If your children are close in age they will always have someone there with them besides you. Think of it as a playmate for life. They’ll never feel lonely or need someone to play with. You won’t have to be the center of their attention 24/7. It might be overwhelming at times but no matter how you’re feeling that day, seeing their smiling faces every day when you wake up is worth it. When you have an older child as well one thing is that as they grow older they tend you tries to help you do things. You’ll always have a little helper by your side.

There tends to be more disadvantages of having 2 children close in age than advantages and I don’t believe it’s for everyone, but if you can handle this situation, I think you can handle anything. It definitely makes a person stronger dealing with something so overwhelming. In the long run I believe people in these situations are happy. Some people don’t plan it which why it be a frightening situation. But as they grow older it’s something you would never regret. After having older parents myself, I believe my children will be happier having younger parents versus older. There’s a sense of knowing I’ll most likely get to spend a longer amount of time with them. I know this from experience and I wish my parents were younger. If you have children younger and close together, they’ll be your everything and you’ll be happy that you got it done and over with. People have their own opinions and based upon my own experience and other’s posts online, I think anyone with two children have similar views.

Sources:

 http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080210183108AA9HQl2

http://www.mamapedia.com/article/the-advantages-of-having-kids-one-year-apart

Single Parent Families and the Effects on the Children

 Everyone has their own opinion about single parents and how their children are raised. It seems as though the general consensus is to feel bad for the children. I couldn’t help but wonder what it is about single parenting that people fear so much. The stereotype single parent is characterized as an, uneducated, poverty stricken, young woman. Aside from these ridiculous accusations about single mothers, the children raised by these women are said to be troubled adolescents with psychological disadvantages. In my opinion it is this kind of talk that sets the children up for failure.

                According to experts, the problems with children raised by single mothers stem from the absence of the father. Children raised in homes with absent fathers are five times more likely to be poor, due to a lack of the male income. This is ludicrous to assume that the male is the automatic bread winner of the family. Of course things are easier with two incomes, but who’s to say that a woman can’t make a decent living and provide for her family. In today’s society, women are climbing the ladder to success just as fast/ if not faster than men. The roles of the traditional mother and father have been changed, and young girls are now blossoming into strong independent women who don’t need a man to take care of them.

                Another statistic states that unmarried mothers are less likely to receive prenatal care and as a result, they give birth to low weight babies. To rebut this statement, I’d just like to say that I was not married when my son was conceived. Despite the emotional roller coaster of a relationship I had with his father at the time, I managed to eat right, take my prenatal vitamins and attend every single doctor visit I had up until the time he was born at a healthy weight of 7lbs 13oz (if I might add). I believe the lack of prenatal care does not come from unmarried women, but perhaps immature ones. Let’s face it, some pregnant women have yet to ‘grow up’ and realize that their life is no longer about them, it’s about the baby. To the young women out there, if you find yourself unwilling to accept the idea of a world that does not revolve around you, my very strong suggestion is to not become sexually active until you can face the consequences.

                A third accusation of single parent families is that the children raised by only one parent have lower grade point averages and higher dropout rates than those raised by two parents. I only have one thing to say to this, and that is children will follow the examples set by their parent/s. If a child sees his/her mother working hard to improve the life they are living, instead of just accepting the stamp society has given them, that child will be more likely to work hard too.

                I think the point of me writing this particular blog is to erase any preconceptions people may have of single mothers (including myself). Despite what the statistics say, I have no doubt in my mind that my son will grow up happy, healthy, and successful in whatever he does. Having both parents around is only an advantage when they are both engaged in the child’s life. What good is having a mother or father physically around if there is no relationship to speak of. Children thrive on the support from their families. If they are loved unconditionally, as they should be, there is a huge chance that they will grow up to be just fine. As parents, we need to set aside our own problems and any feelings of disappointment we may have in ourselves, so that we can move forward and teach our children, by example that no matter what happens with a little drive, ambition, and a lot of faith all things are possible.

Sources Cited

<a href="http://family.jrank.org/pages/1577/Single-Parent-Families-Effects-on-Children.html">Single-Parent Families - The Effects On Children</a>

www.fathers.com

Why did no one mention that?

There are many things people give you advice on when you are pregnant or have a child. But sometimes they either leave out things or their ideas are thought as it will not happen to me. I have been a parent for a little over 19 months now and have come across many instances of this.

When you are pregnant your doctor discusses everything that can go wrong with your pregnancy. You are also told about difficulties that may arise when you deliver like a C-section. But what happens after you deliver everyone talks about the baby staying in your room and people mention should you use that as a break by letting the baby stay in the nursery at night. When my daughter was born she had an infection so I didn’t have that choice. She ended up being in the special care unit the entire stay and was supposed to stay even longer.

As a parent especially a new parent that is one of the scariest events. Here you are supposed to be excited about your new bundle of joy and you are but now they are whisked away and you don’t get the experience that you expected. I think it is important that people know this can happen as well as the things doctors tell you. I was lucky and my daughter got to leave with me the day I exited the hospital. But the terms were I had a home nurse and my daughter saw her regular doctor 2 times that week until they were sure she was better.

One other thing that no one mentioned to me was about picking a pediatrician. As I was pregnant I knew it was important that my daughter have a doctor at some point. However, not one person mentioned picking the doctor until I was in labor. If you are pregnant I recommend picking your pediatrician then. You can interview different doctors and ask your friends for recommendations. In case something happen when your baby is born it is good to have the pediatrician so you know who will handle your baby and that they agree with your choices. For example if you want your baby on a specific shot schedule not all doctors do that. This way you are prepared when your baby enters the world.

Something I thought was hilarious as a parent was the fact that you will think about the contents of your child’s diaper from the moment you leave the hospital. The hospital gives you a chart to count the times they go. Your baby’s doctor will ask you about it every time they see you. On top of that when you are home chances are you will wonder as they are young is it normal. When they are toddlers at some point all those stories you hear of the toddler taking off the diaper and you walking into a mess will be your reality. If you have a situation where you don’t know if it is normal you can always call the pediatricians office. Believe me they get calls like this all the time. My friends have even called me up as their children were born and asked about it.

When my daughter was 17 months she got sick as children do but then she had what is referred to as a fever seizure (febrile seizure). Now I had heard of these long before my daughter was born but I never realized that they happen a lot. About 1 in every 25 children will have a fever seizure and some will have more than one. In my daughters case she has had only one and it was even scarier than when she was born sick. She seized for a few minutes then turned blue and actually quit breathing after. My fiancé had to do CPR as I talked to 911. By the time we got to the hospital her fever was 104.6. It took me a while to sleep normal after that especially considering hers happened in the middle of the night and I just by chance was up at the time. I think every parent should know what a fever seizure is and that it does not mean your child will have epilepsy. It is very important when children are little to control their fevers a febrile seizure is just one of the things that could happen.

As new parents especially we are bombarded with so much new information it is hard for people to cover everything. There are many more things that will be new to you because the truth is that every child is different so they can’t tell you to expect certain things. As parents we grow as much as our children do. So, if a friend calls you or emails you after they’ve become a new parent to say is this normal you won’t be surprised.

You can find more information of Febrile seizures from your child’s pediatrician and this site has some information if you have a basic question http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000980.htm.

Dealing with Life Times Two



Ariyanna



Aniyla

         I believe one of the most difficult things parents with multiple children face when they are young is life in general. I believe life itself is difficult with two. Anyone can argue with me but it all actuality it is harder with two. Every day I wake up wondering what today is going to be like, is my head going to spin? Or will today be relaxing? I ask myself this every day before I get up out of my bed. It’s not easy sacrificing everything and having to put your two children, not just one but two, before yourself. It’s not easy at all. Every day I wake up I have to deal with them plus go to work and find time for school work. Every day I give them two of everything plus work forty hours a week and make a commitment to school. Every day I feel tired and feel like I just can’t do it anymore but I have to look at the purpose of why I am doing this.

       
         It’s not easy having a job, being a parent and a student at the same time. It’s like you have to play three different roles, a mom, student and employee at the same time. It’s hard to juggle things such as this but in the end it’s worth it if you’re doing it all at the same time. I believe in the long run it will benefit my life as well as my children’s. Every parent wants to give their child the world but as we all know in today’s economy, if you’re not born into wealth, it’s hard to do that. I find it easier if I set myself a schedule every day, something like a routine. There’s so many things I’d like to accomplish in one day but just can’t. Even though I am in a relationship with their father and we live together I feel at times I do all the work since I have two girls. I think to myself maybe if I had boys he’d help a little more. My point of this blog is to let you all into my world and feel for what I am going through.    
      
       
        I was fresh out of High School and all I wanted to do was party. I had no cares in the world, it was all about me. I was able to spend all my money on myself and since I lived with my mother I didn’t have any bills but a phone, my father paid for my vehicle at the time. Life was so easy than. I was able to go shopping every day, have a great social life and do whatever I wanted. All that partying led me to meet my daughter’s dad. When we first met neither one of us wanted a relationship, just to have someone to spend time with. We met in August of 2006, the year I graduated high school. We dated on and off up until October of 2007. After that I was too into myself and he was the same exact way. He was also from Pittsburgh and I lived in Greensburg at the time. I always went out in Pittsburgh so it was convenient for us to spend time with each other. We went our separate ways thinking we would never see each other again. I started working at St. Anne’s in Greensburg around May of 2008, that’s when I realized my parents aren’t going to support me forever. I finally got a job and was making good money. I became a Certified Nurse Aide and loved every minute of it. I was doing well as far as paying my own way; I bought myself a brand new car at the beginning of 2009. I was out with a girlfriend one night on the South Side of Pittsburgh and on my way home I ran into my daughter’s dad, at this time we had no children together. We talked for a little and exchanged numbers. We started seeing each other and at this point in time I had moved to Penn Trafford with my mother. We knew from the start of that day that we wanted to be together. I found out that year on Mother’s Day that I was pregnant with my first daughter, Aniyla. I thought it would make us closer but really it made matters hard to deal with. We weren’t really serious until Aniyla was born. I think him seeing her made him realize that he wanted a family. After she was born we decided to live together and things were rough at first, we stayed with my mother until we got things financially straight. Neither one of us was prepared for a child. My mother knew about him and me but my father didn’t. My dad wasn’t exactly fond of interracial dating at the time until he saw my daughter. He fell in love with her and it changed his views totally. Everything was going great, I recovered from the preeclampsia I had and finally went back to work and got my life back together. Then, at the end of April of 2010 I found out I was pregnant again. The birth control pills failed obviously. I was a total mess, normally a baby coming is supposed to be a happy moment but I was scared out of my life how I was going to be able to have the strength to take care of another child. I wanted to finish school and get back to my normal life. I always had second thoughts the whole way through my pregnancy until I saw Ariyanna in December of 2010. I knew I made the right decision and I wouldn’t trade her for the world.
       
      My point of sharing this story with you is to let you all know no matter how young and irresponsible you are, having children makes about almost everyone mature. I also wanted to relate my story to show you all that I did struggle and still am today but I have to make the best of my life in order for my children to be happy. I get overwhelmed at times and just want to give up. It is so hard having two to chase, two to feed, two to bath, etc. But no matter how hard it is I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I wanted this blog to be an inspiration to all the young mothers who believe they can’t have two children so young. I feel as though there are young mothers who have one child and then have another back to back, whether planned or unplanned. It will definitely be a challenge but in the end it’s worth it. I wanted to give the young mothers who are going through what I am going through some inspiration and hope. I hope some of my readers can relate to this as well. All you have to do is believe in yourself, whether you have support or you don’t in the end it doesn’t matter. Your children will love you for you and when they grow older they will understand.

By: Alison Pawlikowsky
Extra Credit Blog Post 1