Discipline is a very important part of raising a teenager. It is so easy to say "your grounded" or give your son or daughter a punishment for a certain act. The hard part, or should I say "the key" is fallowing through with the punishment. I know as a mother, it's hard to say no, but the truth is when you give in to them you give them control.
Being on my third teenager, you would think I would have this teen rebelling, or whatever you want to call it, down pat. It is not possible. They are all different and respond to different kinds of punishments. My two older sons were not as rough as my youngest. This is probably, in part, my fault. I love all three of them with all my heart, but the baby is always the baby. I did let him get away with a little more.
One thing I have learned about raising a teenager is you have to set boundaries, and/or rules. Teens, actually kids in general like rules. They will never admit it, but they do. They like them even more when they help establish them. For instance, my thirteen year old loves video games. We sat down and made a list of the house rules. Then we went over the consequences if the rules are not fallowed. So, he knows if he gets in trouble in school, or breaks a rule, he loses his video game time for 3-5 days, depending on the severity of the rule.
I also learned not to be too harsh. If you take something away, don't take it for a long period of time. This is especially true with young kids and young teens. When I take James (my 13 Y/O) video game away for 3 days or even 5 days, it give him something to look forward to, a reason to behave in a good manner. Whereas if I take it for a month, oh my, that's a lifetime to him and he rebels. His response is "I'm never getting it back anyway".
It is not always an easy call on whether to punish your child or tell them "no", I try to pick my battles. Grades is on our list now, they were never an issue in the past. James went into the high school this year, the Jr High part, but still a big change in his life. His grades have dropped. I remember going into high school, it's a big transition, a whole different world. It is hard for me to punish him for this because of that reason. We worked out a plan, he picks up his homework sheet everyday after school and I help him with as much as I can. I got to be honest though, sometimes his homework is a little difficult for me.
Anyway, I believe you should pick your battles, but don't let them think they have control.
Stick with your punishment, all the way. If you question yourself, there are tons of websites that help and support you, Parent Further.com is a great place to talk to other parents who have the same questions and problems that you have.
I believe you are telling the truth. There's a lot of things to deal with when punishing your child, as much as they bully you and put their sad face on you can't give up. You have to think of the future and how if you let them get away with anything what kind of teenager and adult they'll turn out to be. I totally agree with you and can relate to your point of view. Good Topic.
ReplyDeleteI agree as well. I remember being in 7th and 8th grade. My dad was convinced I was a bad kid so he basically grounded me for an entire year. Every time my grounding time was over he found something else to ground me for the next day. After a while I just did what I wanted, there was no use in trying anymore. Although, I did start reading a lot that year since I had nothing else to do! Good post, I think this is really insightful for us young parents!
ReplyDeleteThis is an age old problem, and no matter what you do, you're never sure if you did the right thing. That is until you see how they turn out as adults and they have kids of their own. The big thing to remember is that you're the parent, you can be their friend when they become responsable adults.
ReplyDeleteHello Bev,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog. You are doing a great job with you children. They will become wonderful adults because of your choosing to discipline them when it is needed. They know that you love them and I believe that they will respect you for it in the long run. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading your future blogs!
Mary Beth
Ali, thanks. Yes, those sad faces are very hard to punish.
ReplyDeleteyes they are...as much as I want too I can't....:-(
ReplyDeleteBev,
ReplyDeleteTeenagers are going to rebel no matter what, but you nailed it...pick your battles. Maybe you should give some kind of incentive for good behavior as well(i.e. an A in a class gets him a new game). Good luck with it, and remember that he will eventually grow out of it. Great post.
Samantha
Bev, you raise some really great points here, and obviously the comments further illustrate that. My favorite was the suggestion on how long to take privileges away from children. I had never thought of that. Very interesting.
ReplyDelete