Teaching Teens Responsibility~Choice Theory

When the superior man knows the causes which make instruction successful, and those which make it of no effect, he can be a teacher of others. Thus in his teaching, he leads and does not drag; he strenghtens and does not discourage; he opens the way but does not conduct to the end without the learners own efforts.

• Leading and not dragging produces harmony.



• Leading and not discouraging makes attainment easy.



• Opening the way and not conducting to the end makes the learner thoughtful.

He who produces harmony, easy attainment, and thoughtfulness may be pronounced a skillful teacher.

--- Confucius

BOOK XVI HSIO KI (Record on subject of education)

We are not only parents, we are our childrens teacher. They learn from our actions and what we teach them. They are learning when we don't even realize they are watching. Young children are very observant and they notice every little thing about the people around them. Their brains are like sponges, so they remember and act out what they see. In order to be critical about how our children act, we must be aware of how and where they leaened that particular behavior. If we come across as impatient or frusterated, then thats what we get from them.

Communication is the key to raising a responsible child. Learning how to communicate effectively, just means, learn to listen. Bend down or sit at their level and listen to what they have to say. The reward will last through their teen and adult lives. It is hard to imagine them as adults, but it will come sooner than we want it to.

We all want our children to become responsible teens and adults. For this to become reality, we should start teaching them at a very young age. Start giving them responsibilities when they are old enough to walk. We should teach them to clean up after themselves, starting with their toy's. Children should know that when they are finished they should put them in the toy box. At about the age of 3-4 y/o we should let them help tidy up their room and when they start school, set aside an hour in the evening for homework or just to study what they are learning in school. Always praise them for an accomplishment. This doesn't need to be loud and long, just a "nice job!" or "good work!" means means a lot.

Dr. William Glasser is a well known Psygologist. He has written five books on applying the concepts Choice Theory - a new and empowering explaination of human behavior, which states that we should not use the seven deadly habits, but the seven caring habits.

~Seven Deadly Habits;

• Criticizing


• Blaming


• Complaining


• Nagging


• Threatening


• Punishing (Right!)


• Bribing (Rewarding to control.)

~Seven Caring Habits

• Supporting


• Encouraging


• Listening


• Accepting


• Trusting


• Respecting


• Negotiating Differences

The punishing, I don't agree should be in there, but most of his information is an interesting method. This method explains that children are taught that coercion has no place in a civilized world. They cannot be coerced to learn, nor can they be forced to behave in a responsible manner. The theory suggests that the choice to behave responsibly is just that, "a choice".

Dr. Glasser also encourages school teachers to be involved in this process. He explains the teachers role in teaching a child and teen responsibility. After all they are with our children eight hours a day, five days a week, nine months out of the year. They are with our child just about as much as we are, waking hour that is. I never really thought of it that way. Maybe I should have, some parents probably do, if you don't, maybe you should. It is very important to communicate with your child's teacher. We should know at all times what our child is doing and how he or she is doing in school. This makes our child understand how important an education is, because if mommy is interested in it, it must be important.

There are several different parenting stratigies to teaching responsibilities and we try a lot of them, because the same one doesn't work for everyone, or every child, if it did, parenting would be so much easier. I got this information from Family.com, Dr. William Glasser Institute.com and Babycenter.com. I know what your thinking, my boy's are hardly babies. Well, this website is for all ages. Besides, my boys will always be my babies.