Excitements and Anxieties

     No matter what age, no matter what career you have, no matter your relationship status or how big your house is, and no matter how much money you have; finding out you’re pregnant for the first time makes you scared and thrilled all at the same time. So many things run through your mind when you first find out you’re having a baby and even at random times of the day when you’re just thinking of things. When people ask me “Are you excited?” the first thing that comes out of my mouth is “Uhm…”
     Of course I’m excited though! Its my son! I’m going to be a mom! I’m going to do something that people have done since the beginning of time but is still a miracle every time it happens. The thought of loving someone more then you could imagine and having the feeling returned can make anyone smile. And not to mention all the adorable clothes, being able to set up the nursery, seeing him smile for the first time plus crawl, walk, talk, and use the potty on his own! Knowing that I created life and to that little boy I’m everything makes me want this pregnancy to just fly by! But thinking about being a good mom, knowing what to do when to do it, and just the thought of starting a family and raising a little boy to be a good man makes me want to keep him inside of me forever!
     I just got out of high school, I don’t have a career or even a major, I’m still living at home, and my care free life is going to be cut short with new responsibilities of being a mother. In other words; I’m terrified. I’ve only been with my baby’s father for a little over a year now and we had some time apart in the past. About a month after getting back together we found out we were pregnant. Though I love him and I know he loves me, I do realize we’re still young and things change. I’m terrified of ending up alone and having to go through a nasty custody battle like you hear about all the time. The thought of leading a life like my mother terrifies me even though I know she wouldn’t trade any of it. She’s way stronger then I could ever be.
     Sometimes I just don’t know what I’m going to do and other times I think I have it all figured out. For now I already know that I wouldn’t want to go back and I can’t wait for my son to look at me for the first time. Everyone gets scared, but they can get through it. I guess I’m just waiting to find out how strong I really am. No matter what happens I know that I’ll have the support I need to get by. And even though that thought doesn’t always help me to feel better, I know that this is going to be the greatest experience of my life. -By Nicole Shaffer